RUNNING AWAY

Wherever You Go, There You Will Be.

Everyone has a story to tell and many of our most compelling stories involve the constant challenges we face in our lives. It’s often said that truth is stranger than fiction, and some of the most riveting real life plot lines come from the disasters and difficulties we face in our daily lives.

 

I am often asked about my story and the experiences that brought me to the Exploration of Inner Elegance. So I decided to put together a series called My Life in Chapters that I hope will shed a little light on the people, places and things that influenced and help change the course of my life, sometimes for the worse and sometimes for the better.

 

I decided to begin my story on the last day of April 2002, when I arrived at JFK Airport with over stuffed bags and only tears for company. In hindsight this beautiful spring day marked the time when my life became officially unsustainable. I had run out of ways to dodge my difficulties, and as my troubles mounted I did what seemed like the only sensible thing to do, run away.

 

When I was young I was a voracious reader of classical works of fiction and I have always has a rather Gothic tendency to over-identify with the romantic heroes and heroines who occupy the pages. These novels are filled with the broken-hearted, standing in the shadows of love, who flee the story and end up in some far-flung war-torn province, selflessly helping others, to relieve their own pain.

 

This was the mindset with which I boarded the flight back to England. By returning to the safety of home I would be able to leave my own story behind and stop the pain. Simple really. What I had not realized that particular day was that when the characters in the novels leave for distant shores, the reader doesn’t go along too. The mystery and intrigue of a romance in ruins remains but the realities of the daily grind of pain and heartbreak are left only to the imagination. The second episode of My Life in Chapters will explore this aspect of the realities of running away more fully.

 

The impulse to run from our problems is as old as time itself and it has, of course, a very seductive quality to it, which is the illusion of immediate relief from the pain we are in. There are many ways to run away. You don’t need to get on a ‘plane. We can change location, as I did, which gives us the promise that in the new place everything will be all right. We can try medicating our way out with alcohol and drugs: Distracting our way out with video games, social media and TV, and physically loosing ourselves by over eating or starving ourselves, over exercising or indulging in too much casual sex or constantly changing partners.

 

What all of these distractions have in common is the idea that we define our problems as being outside of ourselves. We are the victims of an unjust universe out to get us and we can blame everyone, everything and every place for the troubles we have. The problem we run into with this theory is that it externalizes our internal turmoil and our internal turmoil remains. No matter where we go, or what we do, we are still there, and our problems are still there, because we have not addressed them.

 

Its really hard work to drop the impulse to cut and run: However, if we can take responsibility for the way we think, the way we perceive and the way we act by owning our decisions, choices and how we choose to view the world, the quicker we can deal with our difficulties and the sooner we move beyond them.

 

The antidote to all of this running way is, firstly, to acknowledge that we have a desire to run away, and avoid the impulse to re-write the running away story by calling it something other than it is.

 

Secondly we need to take a long, hard look at what it is we are running from and work out the worst case scenario for if we stay and face it head on. Chances are the worst is not as bad as we think it will be if continue to allow it to haunt us in the rear view mirror.

 

Thirdly, we need to give ourselves a break. By practicing some loving kindness to ourselves, and not dissolving into shame and guilt, we can sit still and simply be with the problem. Being with the problem allows for a gentle realization that we can handle it, and by giving ourselves the opportunity to work out ways to solve it, we discover that we are stronger than we ever imagined.

 

Try out these elegant strategies the next time you feel like running away from a problem that seems overwhelming. Facing it head on and dealing with it as quickly as possible is very empowering. Being empowered reduces the level of fear we experience and then we are in better shape to work through the situation and put it behind us.

 

Girl in the Red Dress on the Railway Tracks: This photograph epitomizes this month’s theme of Running Away. The railway track is a marvelous metaphor for many of the elements we will be exploring: Such as the desire to leave, or journeys already taken or opportunities missed; or even not paying attention to what might be ahead or what might be coming from behind. Storm clouds gathering overhead can be seen as symbolic of trouble on the way or could mirror the storm in our hearts. We look back as we run, a classic thing to do when running away.  And I particularly like the bright red petticoat, in an otherwise gray and dismal landscape. Red, the color of bloodshed and life-blood represents the First Chakra, the energy center containing all of the issues around our very survival in the earthly realm. The impulse to try and outrun our troubles to get to safety is a very primitive instinct. The first Chakra.