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TO ADVERTISE WITH US To advertise or sponsor a segment please send your request to the email advertisement@carolinephipps.com or call 518-329-0840 TO HIRE CAROLINE Life Coaching Workshop Speaking Engagements To contract Caroline's services please send your email to connect@carolinephipps.com or call 518-329-0840
Caroline Wears Annie Walwyn-Jones Photos Alex Lage Film, Video and Audio Ringo Films Website Ringo Films
NEWSLETTERS To Subscribe to our newsletters please fill out the form on the contact page SUBMITTING YOUR STORY We encourage you to submit your story and we will love to tell it, however due to the great volume of requests we reserve the right to choose the ones based on the criteria that fits the website purposes.

All Rights Reserved © 2014 Caroline Phipps Enterprises LLC

All Rights Reserved - Caroline Phipps is a trademark of Caroline Phipps Enterprises LLC

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Living With Inner Elegance
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BEYOND THE GENDER AGENDA MANY SHADES OF US
﷯A year after I launched the Exploring Inner Elegance website, I was surprised to discover that the subject of living with inner elegance resonated with men in a way that was most unexpected. My previous observations and experience, as well as the statistics, show that people engaged in self-help, matters of mind, body and spirit, as well as health and wellness were predominately women. The feedback I am receiving now appears to run counter to this trend. I found this most intriguing. I decided to conduct some research to find out what it is about living a life with inner elegance that appears to strike a cord with today’s men. I went straight to the source. I began by talking to men. Men of all ages, men from different walks of life and socio-economic groups, straight men, gay men, and men from different religious, spiritual and cultural backgrounds. What I am hearing from men is that they often feel misrepresented, left out of the dialogue and have no authentic voice in the discussion. As one of my male friends told me, “In the eyes of the media I am seen as either a rich, powerful Mercedes driving man who uses a Gillette razor twice a day and has a Victoria Secret model as a girlfriend or a nervous, nerdy guy who makes a fool of himself, in front of an impossibly hot girl in the office, who could be a Victoria Secret model.” Neither category applies to the men I know. It raises all sorts of interesting questions about the role of masculinity and the relationships between men and women in the twenty-first century. I was reminded of an incident that happened when I first came to America in 1993, that has stuck in my mind ever since. I remember coming into Manhattan by yellow cab from the airport. Everything seemed so familiar, like a set from a beloved Hollywood film. But it quickly became apparent that this sense of familiarity was in some ways false. A few days later I was having lunch with some American friends. While we were swapping stories and sharing insights one of the girls started telling us about a guy she worked with. She’d bumped into him the night before as she was leaving the office. They’d started chatting, she said, and then she explained that as she went to leave he hit on her. I was startled and horrified, “What do you mean he hit you?” I asked. They all started to laugh and she said, “No, no he didn’t hit me, he asked me out for a drink.” Coming from London, I had never heard this expression before. It made me wonder, how did the behavior of a man, who had probably plucked up all his courage to ask a woman out, have his action described as “hitting”? It made no sense at all. I wondered if it had anything to do with whether she liked the guy or not? Perhaps it was “hitting” when she thought he was a creep and being asked out if he was a dish? “So what did you say?” I asked, when the merriment at my misunderstanding had subsided. “We’re meeting tonight. I’ve fancied him for ages and I can’t wait…” She answered. I started listening closely to the words chosen by women when they talked to men and when they talked about men. I often felt as if they were two distinctly different dialogs happening simultaneously: The demand to be treated equally and the desire to be treated as a woman. American women had been courageous pioneers in the fight for equal rights making extraordinary inroads into the world of men. The vibe in New York, at that time, felt very different than it had in London. Clearly they’d had to be tough and often even tougher than the men they were competing with. This intricate dance of gender equality is, of course, still present and today women make up nearly half of the workforce in the U.S., yet despite this there remains a large gap in income parity. g
﷯In evolutionary terms all of these advances in equality are very new in our culture and I feel that we are all still trying to navigate this maze. It has been twenty-two years since my “he hit on me” revelation and events have moved on a bit since then, but in many ways things appear to be even more confusing than they were back then. For example, skim through the pages of any glossy magazine in 2015 and the chances are you will come across an image of an exquisite pair of improbably thin, endlessly long legs, wearing the new look from shoe designer, Jimmy Choo. With heels tall enough to induce a bout of vertigo, the shoes are a study in provocative sexiness, but for most women impossible to walk in for any more than a few perilous steps. Flip the pages and there could be an opinion piece about Former Secretary of State, Hillary Rodham Clinton’s undeniable credentials as front runner in the race for the U.S. Presidency: An article about stay at home dads who are taking over the so called “mummy” role: Interviews with women in Silicon Valley about the difficulties they face in a culture where misogyny is flourishing: And perhaps a profile of Bradley Cooper, as the quintessential warrior, for his role in the Oscar-nominated film “American Sniper”. The plot line is based upon the real life of Navy sniper seal, Chris Kyle who was so proficient with a rifle that he became the marksman with the distinction of assassinating more people than any other serving officer and is considered to be one of the greatest American heroes of our time. Do these seemingly mixed messages have anything in common? The first thing to consider, I believe, is that they co-exist. They are representations of the many roles women and men assume in today’s world. These roles are sometimes interchangeable and sometimes not so much. We all remember the images of U.S. President Barack Obama and the extremely glamorous blonde Danish Prime Minister, Helle Thorning Schmidt at Nelson Mandela’s funeral in Johannesburg, South Africa. Yet it’s hard to imagine that Hillary would ever totter around on a pair of Jimmy’s. And it seems unlikely that the new “mister mom” would be able to shoot a target dead center with a rifle and yet British celebrity chef, Gordon Ramsay runs his kitchens with as much testosterone as a Royal Marine commander launching a combat mission. Contradictions and anomalies abound all around. And here’s where we come to one of the more fascinating clues, in recent history, as to the state of affairs between women and men: The Fifty Shades phenomenon. For those of us who have somehow managed to miss what’s been going on in popular culture, E.L.James’ Fifty Shades trilogy is a story about the torrid love affair between a handsome billionaire and a pretty young virgin. So far it has been translated into fifty-one languages and has sold more than one hundred million copies while Shades of Grey (based on the first book) opened in cinemas breaking all records, in the US, for a February debut. These figures are so staggering that they surely must be an indication of something significant. And there’s one thing we know for sure, the majority of fans are women. There appear to be as many strong opinions about what this story is about as there are multitudes following it. With its explicit scenes of sadism and masochism, it has been described, among many things, as a shadow fairytale starring a Prince and a Damsel; a tale of bad boy redemption and the power of true love; an intimate look inside an abusive, co-dependent relationship; an over the top portrayal of your average woman’s sexual fantasies; soft porn for mummies; a peek-a-boo into the ultimate taboo; a symbol of women’s sexual freedom; an insult to women portraying them as submissive sex toys; a virility and financial challenge to men, who have to be rich enough to buy anything they want, as well as handsome and muscular enough to winch their lovers into the air, while brandishing a whip, and trying not to look ridiculous. It’s little wonder that today’s men are confused! g
﷯In the interests of disclosure I have to confess that I haven’t read the books but I did go to see the film. And this is just my point of view: Firstly there is nothing sexy or sensuous about this movie. Once we enter the rarefied atmosphere of Christian Grey’s uber rich and seemingly perfect world, with its helicopters and handcuffs, there is too much money, too much marble and too little edgy anticipation even for fantasy. He is Gillette man writ large. Christian Grey’s “Red Room” (the playroom he devotes to his sexual encounters) looks like its been decorated by Martha Stewart and Ralph Lauren on a bad day. This man is not quite troubled enough to be interesting and if he were working the late shift at Home Depot, our female protagonist, Anastasia Steele wouldn’t give him a second glance. And I can’t help thinking that if he lived out his S. & M. fantasies in a trailer park in the mid-West, he’d probably be doing five years in a state penitentiary for unspeakable abuse. My emotional response to the film is partially one of sadness. If these squeaky clean lovers, who look as if they’ve been dipped in bleach and are a study in tedious visual perfection, are the stuff of female fantasy for so many women, what does it say about the quality of romance in the real world? The power struggle between Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey provides some clues I believe. The desire she has to be dominated is challenged by her increasing demand for his respect, while his desire to totally dominate begins to loose its appeal for him. These are not so subtle reflections of some of the conflicts that exist in relationships today. On a symbolic level, I find the Fifty Shades phenomenon to be an interesting temperature reading of what is happening between women and men today. Like the contents of the glossy magazine, everything is valid and there is room for all these fantasies, and all of these contradictions, all at once. Forgive the pun, but the world really is full of various shades of Grey and I believe that this also applies to men and women. It’s fun to have fantasies of course but let’s see if we can improve on the realities. In this series Beyond the Gender Agenda I want to explore the possibilities available to us when we rid ourselves of stereotypes and rigid thinking. It’s my belief that we are all a uniquely different mixture of masculine and feminine traits with constantly shifting boundaries: We all have times when we are dominant and when we are submissive, when we are passive and when we are aggressive, when we want to lead and when we want to follow, when we want to be dependable and when we need to be dependent. It’s simply a part of being human. I hope that this sense of a collective humanity, which is a reoccurring theme at Exploring Inner Elegance, is one reason why this initiative resonates with today’s men. We are all an integral part of the dialogue. What would happen if we moved beyond the constraints of gender? Perhaps it would allow us the freedom to navigate equality without the fear of loosing identity. I believe this would go along way towards resolving the confusion and conflict between the sexes and would create a more harmonious world where people could be free to be themselves. Let’s explore the possibilities beyond the agenda of gender and move towards a more elegant world, where gender, but also sexual orientation, race, culture and religion unite us in our common humanity rather than confine us by dividing us. Divided we are weak but together we are elegantly strong. This is a dialogue that impacts all of us. Is moving beyond the gender agenda even possible? I would like to hear how you feel about this subject – Have your voice heard and share your opinions and ask questions through the contact form on my website. And for those of you who feel in need of guidance I am available for Life Coaching. Send me an email at caroline@carolinephipps.com for further details. Together we can make the world a more elegant place g
PRIVACY POLICY TERMS OF USE ADDRESS CONTACT
TO ADVERTISE WITH US To advertise or sponsor a segment please send your request to the email below or call 518-329-0840 advertisement@carolinephipps.com TO HIRE CAROLINE Life Coaching Workshop Speaking Engagements
Caroline Wears Annie Walwyn-Jones Photos Alex Lage Film, Video and Audio Ringo Films Media Production
Website
To contract Caroline's services please send your email to connect@carolinephipps.com or call 518-329-0840 Ringo Films Marketing & Advertising
NEWSLETTERS To Subscribe to our newsletters please fill out the form on the contact page SUBMITTING YOUR STORY
We encourage you to submit your story and we will love to tell it, however due to the great volume of requests we reserve the right to choose the ones based on the criteria that fits the website purposes.

All Rights Reserved © 2014 Caroline Phipps Enterprises LLC

All Rights Reserved - Caroline Phipps is a trademark of Caroline Phipps Enterprises LLC

Logo is a copyright of Caroline Phipps Enterprises LLC

Sign Up For Newsletter Living With Inner Elegance

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BEYOND THE GENDER AGENDA MANY SHADES OF US
﷯A year after I launched the Exploring Inner Elegance website, I was surprised to discover that the subject of living with inner elegance resonated with men in a way that was most unexpected. My previous observations and experience, as well as the statistics, show that people engaged in self-help, matters of mind, body and spirit, as well as health and wellness were predominately women. The feedback I am receiving now appears to run counter to this trend. I found this most intriguing. I decided to conduct some research to find out what it is about living a life with inner elegance that appears to strike a cord with today’s men. I went straight to the source. I began by talking to men. Men of all ages, men from different walks of life and socio-economic groups, straight men, gay men, and men from different religious, spiritual and cultural backgrounds. What I am hearing from men is that they often feel misrepresented, left out of the dialogue and have no authentic voice in the discussion. As one of my male friends told me, “In the eyes of the media I am seen as either a rich, powerful Mercedes driving man who uses a Gillette razor twice a day and has a Victoria Secret model as a girlfriend or a nervous, nerdy guy who makes a fool of himself, in front of an impossibly hot girl in the office, who could be a Victoria Secret model.” Neither category applies to the men I know. It raises all sorts of interesting questions about the role of masculinity and the relationships between men and women in the twenty-first century. I was reminded of an incident that happened when I first came to America in 1993, that has stuck in my mind ever since. I remember coming into Manhattan by yellow cab from the airport. Everything seemed so familiar, like a set from a beloved Hollywood film. But it quickly became apparent that this sense of familiarity was in some ways false. A few days later I was having lunch with some American friends. While we were swapping stories and sharing insights one of the girls started telling us about a guy she worked with. She’d bumped into him the night before as she was leaving the office. They’d started chatting, she said, and then she explained that as she went to leave he hit on her. I was startled and horrified, “What do you mean he hit you?” I asked. They all started to laugh and she said, “No, no he didn’t hit me, he asked me out for a drink.” Coming from London, I had never heard this expression before. It made me wonder, how did the behavior of a man, who had probably plucked up all his courage to ask a woman out, have his action described as “hitting”? It made no sense at all. I wondered if it had anything to do with whether she liked the guy or not? Perhaps it was “hitting” when she thought he was a creep and being asked out if he was a dish? “So what did you say?” I asked, when the merriment at my misunderstanding had subsided. “We’re meeting tonight. I’ve fancied him for ages and I can’t wait…” She answered. I started listening closely to the words chosen by women when they talked to men and when they talked about men. I often felt as if they were two distinctly different dialogs happening simultaneously: The demand to be treated equally and the desire to be treated as a woman. American women had been courageous pioneers in the fight for equal rights making extraordinary inroads into the world of men. The vibe in New York, at that time, felt very different than it had in London. Clearly they’d had to be tough and often even tougher than the men they were competing with. This intricate dance of gender equality is, of course, still present and today women make up nearly half of the workforce in the U.S., yet despite this there remains a large gap in income parity. g
﷯In evolutionary terms all of these advances in equality are very new in our culture and I feel that we are all still trying to navigate this maze. It has been twenty-two years since my “he hit on me” revelation and events have moved on a bit since then, but in many ways things appear to be even more confusing than they were back then. For example, skim through the pages of any glossy magazine in 2015 and the chances are you will come across an image of an exquisite pair of improbably thin, endlessly long legs, wearing the new look from shoe designer, Jimmy Choo. With heels tall enough to induce a bout of vertigo, the shoes are a study in provocative sexiness, but for most women impossible to walk in for any more than a few perilous steps. Flip the pages and there could be an opinion piece about Former Secretary of State, Hillary Rodham Clinton’s undeniable credentials as front runner in the race for the U.S. Presidency: An article about stay at home dads who are taking over the so called “mummy” role: Interviews with women in Silicon Valley about the difficulties they face in a culture where misogyny is flourishing: And perhaps a profile of Bradley Cooper, as the quintessential warrior, for his role in the Oscar-nominated film “American Sniper”. The plot line is based upon the real life of Navy sniper seal, Chris Kyle who was so proficient with a rifle that he became the marksman with the distinction of assassinating more people than any other serving officer and is considered to be one of the greatest American heroes of our time. Do these seemingly mixed messages have anything in common? The first thing to consider, I believe, is that they co-exist. They are representations of the many roles women and men assume in today’s world. These roles are sometimes interchangeable and sometimes not so much. We all remember the images of U.S. President Barack Obama and the extremely glamorous blonde Danish Prime Minister, Helle Thorning Schmidt at Nelson Mandela’s funeral in Johannesburg, South Africa. Yet it’s hard to imagine that Hillary would ever totter around on a pair of Jimmy’s. And it seems unlikely that the new “mister mom” would be able to shoot a target dead center with a rifle and yet British celebrity chef, Gordon Ramsay runs his kitchens with as much testosterone as a Royal Marine commander launching a combat mission. Contradictions and anomalies abound all around. And here’s where we come to one of the more fascinating clues, in recent history, as to the state of affairs between women and men: The Fifty Shades phenomenon. For those of us who have somehow managed to miss what’s been going on in popular culture, E.L.James’ Fifty Shades trilogy is a story about the torrid love affair between a handsome billionaire and a pretty young virgin. So far it has been translated into fifty-one languages and has sold more than one hundred million copies while Shades of Grey (based on the first book) opened in cinemas breaking all records, in the US, for a February debut. These figures are so staggering that they surely must be an indication of something significant. And there’s one thing we know for sure, the majority of fans are women. There appear to be as many strong opinions about what this story is about as there are multitudes following it. With its explicit scenes of sadism and masochism, it has been described, among many things, as a shadow fairytale starring a Prince and a Damsel; a tale of bad boy redemption and the power of true love; an intimate look inside an abusive, co-dependent relationship; an over the top portrayal of your average woman’s sexual fantasies; soft porn for mummies; a peek-a-boo into the ultimate taboo; a symbol of women’s sexual freedom; an insult to women portraying them as submissive sex toys; a virility and financial challenge to men, who have to be rich enough to buy anything they want, as well as handsome and muscular enough to winch their lovers into the air, while brandishing a whip, and trying not to look ridiculous. It’s little wonder that today’s men are confused! g
﷯In the interests of disclosure I have to confess that I haven’t read the books but I did go to see the film. And this is just my point of view: Firstly there is nothing sexy or sensuous about this movie. Once we enter the rarefied atmosphere of Christian Grey’s uber rich and seemingly perfect world, with its helicopters and handcuffs, there is too much money, too much marble and too little edgy anticipation even for fantasy. He is Gillette man writ large. Christian Grey’s “Red Room” (the playroom he devotes to his sexual encounters) looks like its been decorated by Martha Stewart and Ralph Lauren on a bad day. This man is not quite troubled enough to be interesting and if he were working the late shift at Home Depot, our female protagonist, Anastasia Steele wouldn’t give him a second glance. And I can’t help thinking that if he lived out his S. & M. fantasies in a trailer park in the mid-West, he’d probably be doing five years in a state penitentiary for unspeakable abuse. My emotional response to the film is partially one of sadness. If these squeaky clean lovers, who look as if they’ve been dipped in bleach and are a study in tedious visual perfection, are the stuff of female fantasy for so many women, what does it say about the quality of romance in the real world? The power struggle between Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey provides some clues I believe. The desire she has to be dominated is challenged by her increasing demand for his respect, while his desire to totally dominate begins to loose its appeal for him. These are not so subtle reflections of some of the conflicts that exist in relationships today. On a symbolic level, I find the Fifty Shades phenomenon to be an interesting temperature reading of what is happening between women and men today. Like the contents of the glossy magazine, everything is valid and there is room for all these fantasies, and all of these contradictions, all at once. Forgive the pun, but the world really is full of various shades of Grey and I believe that this also applies to men and women. It’s fun to have fantasies of course but let’s see if we can improve on the realities. In this series Beyond the Gender Agenda I want to explore the possibilities available to us when we rid ourselves of stereotypes and rigid thinking. It’s my belief that we are all a uniquely different mixture of masculine and feminine traits with constantly shifting boundaries: We all have times when we are dominant and when we are submissive, when we are passive and when we are aggressive, when we want to lead and when we want to follow, when we want to be dependable and when we need to be dependent. It’s simply a part of being human. I hope that this sense of a collective humanity, which is a reoccurring theme at Exploring Inner Elegance, is one reason why this initiative resonates with today’s men. We are all an integral part of the dialogue. What would happen if we moved beyond the constraints of gender? Perhaps it would allow us the freedom to navigate equality without the fear of loosing identity. I believe this would go along way towards resolving the confusion and conflict between the sexes and would create a more harmonious world where people could be free to be themselves. Let’s explore the possibilities beyond the agenda of gender and move towards a more elegant world, where gender, but also sexual orientation, race, culture and religion unite us in our common humanity rather than confine us by dividing us. Divided we are weak but together we are elegantly strong. This is a dialogue that impacts all of us. Is moving beyond the gender agenda even possible? I would like to hear how you feel about this subject – Have your voice heard and share your opinions and ask questions through the contact form on my website. And for those of you who feel in need of guidance I am available for Life Coaching. Send me an email at caroline@carolinephipps.com for further details. Together we can make the world a more elegant place g
PRIVACY POLICY TERMS OF USE ADDRESS
TO ADVERTISE WITH US To advertise or sponsor a segment please send your request to the email below or call 518-329-0840 advertisement@carolinephipps.com TO HIRE CAROLINE Life Coaching Workshop Speaking Engagements
Caroline Wears Annie Walwyn-Jones Photos Alex Lage Film, Video and Audio Ringo Films Media Production
CONTACT To contract Caroline's services please send your email to connect@carolinephipps.com or call 518-329-0840 Website
Ringo Films Marketing & Advertising NEWSLETTERS To Subscribe to our newsletters please fill out the form on the contact page SUBMITTING YOUR STORY We encourage you to submit your story and we will love to tell it, however due to the great volume of requests we reserve the right to choose the ones based on the criteria that fits the website purposes.

All Rights Reserved © 2014 Caroline Phipps Enterprises LLC

All Rights Reserved - Caroline Phipps is a trademark of Caroline Phipps Enterprises LLC

Logo is a copyright of Caroline Phipps Enterprises LLC

BEYOND THE GENDER AGENDA MANY SHADES OF US
﷯A year after I launched the Exploring Inner Elegance website, I was surprised to discover that the subject of living with inner elegance resonated with men in a way that was most unexpected. My previous observations and experience, as well as the statistics, show that people engaged in self-help, matters of mind, body and spirit, as well as health and wellness were predominately women. The feedback I am receiving now appears to run counter to this trend. I found this most intriguing. I decided to conduct some research to find out what it is about living a life with inner elegance that appears to strike a cord with today’s men. I went straight to the source. I began by talking to men. Men of all ages, men from different walks of life and socio-economic groups, straight men, gay men, and men from different religious, spiritual and cultural backgrounds. What I am hearing from men is that they often feel misrepresented, left out of the dialogue and have no authentic voice in the discussion. As one of my male friends told me, “In the eyes of the media I am seen as either a rich, powerful Mercedes driving man who uses a Gillette razor twice a day and has a Victoria Secret model as a girlfriend or a nervous, nerdy guy who makes a fool of himself, in front of an impossibly hot girl in the office, who could be a Victoria Secret model.” Neither category applies to the men I know. It raises all sorts of interesting questions about the role of masculinity and the relationships between men and women in the twenty-first century. I was reminded of an incident that happened when I first came to America in 1993, that has stuck in my mind ever since. I remember coming into Manhattan by yellow cab from the airport. Everything seemed so familiar, like a set from a beloved Hollywood film. But it quickly became apparent that this sense of familiarity was in some ways false. A few days later I was having lunch with some American friends. While we were swapping stories and sharing insights one of the girls started telling us about a guy she worked with. She’d bumped into him the night before as she was leaving the office. They’d started chatting, she said, and then she explained that as she went to leave he hit on her. I was startled and horrified, “What do you mean he hit you?” I asked. They all started to laugh and she said, “No, no he didn’t hit me, he asked me out for a drink.” Coming from London, I had never heard this expression before. It made me wonder, how did the behavior of a man, who had probably plucked up all his courage to ask a woman out, have his action described as “hitting”? It made no sense at all. I wondered if it had anything to do with whether she liked the guy or not? Perhaps it was “hitting” when she thought he was a creep and being asked out if he was a dish? “So what did you say?” I asked, when the merriment at my misunderstanding had subsided. “We’re meeting tonight. I’ve fancied him for ages and I can’t wait…” She answered. I started listening closely to the words chosen by women when they talked to men and when they talked about men. I often felt as if they were two distinctly different dialogs happening simultaneously: The demand to be treated equally and the desire to be treated as a woman. American women had been courageous pioneers in the fight for equal rights making extraordinary inroads into the world of men. The vibe in New York, at that time, felt very different than it had in London. Clearly they’d had to be tough and often even tougher than the men they were competing with. This intricate dance of gender equality is, of course, still present and today women make up nearly half of the workforce in the U.S., yet despite this there remains a large gap in income parity. g
﷯In evolutionary terms all of these advances in equality are very new in our culture and I feel that we are all still trying to navigate this maze. It has been twenty-two years since my “he hit on me” revelation and events have moved on a bit since then, but in many ways things appear to be even more confusing than they were back then. For example, skim through the pages of any glossy magazine in 2015 and the chances are you will come across an image of an exquisite pair of improbably thin, endlessly long legs, wearing the new look from shoe designer, Jimmy Choo. With heels tall enough to induce a bout of vertigo, the shoes are a study in provocative sexiness, but for most women impossible to walk in for any more than a few perilous steps. Flip the pages and there could be an opinion piece about Former Secretary of State, Hillary Rodham Clinton’s undeniable credentials as front runner in the race for the U.S. Presidency: An article about stay at home dads who are taking over the so called “mummy” role: Interviews with women in Silicon Valley about the difficulties they face in a culture where misogyny is flourishing: And perhaps a profile of Bradley Cooper, as the quintessential warrior, for his role in the Oscar-nominated film “American Sniper”. The plot line is based upon the real life of Navy sniper seal, Chris Kyle who was so proficient with a rifle that he became the marksman with the distinction of assassinating more people than any other serving officer and is considered to be one of the greatest American heroes of our time. Do these seemingly mixed messages have anything in common? The first thing to consider, I believe, is that they co-exist. They are representations of the many roles women and men assume in today’s world. These roles are sometimes interchangeable and sometimes not so much. We all remember the images of U.S. President Barack Obama and the extremely glamorous blonde Danish Prime Minister, Helle Thorning Schmidt at Nelson Mandela’s funeral in Johannesburg, South Africa. Yet it’s hard to imagine that Hillary would ever totter around on a pair of Jimmy’s. And it seems unlikely that the new “mister mom” would be able to shoot a target dead center with a rifle and yet British celebrity chef, Gordon Ramsay runs his kitchens with as much testosterone as a Royal Marine commander launching a combat mission. Contradictions and anomalies abound all around. And here’s where we come to one of the more fascinating clues, in recent history, as to the state of affairs between women and men: The Fifty Shades phenomenon. For those of us who have somehow managed to miss what’s been going on in popular culture, E.L.James’ Fifty Shades trilogy is a story about the torrid love affair between a handsome billionaire and a pretty young virgin. So far it has been translated into fifty-one languages and has sold more than one hundred million copies while Shades of Grey (based on the first book) opened in cinemas breaking all records, in the US, for a February debut. These figures are so staggering that they surely must be an indication of something significant. And there’s one thing we know for sure, the majority of fans are women. There appear to be as many strong opinions about what this story is about as there are multitudes following it. With its explicit scenes of sadism and masochism, it has been described, among many things, as a shadow fairytale starring a Prince and a Damsel; a tale of bad boy redemption and the power of true love; an intimate look inside an abusive, co-dependent relationship; an over the top portrayal of your average woman’s sexual fantasies; soft porn for mummies; a peek-a-boo into the ultimate taboo; a symbol of women’s sexual freedom; an insult to women portraying them as submissive sex toys; a virility and financial challenge to men, who have to be rich enough to buy anything they want, as well as handsome and muscular enough to winch their lovers into the air, while brandishing a whip, and trying not to look ridiculous. It’s little wonder that today’s men are confused! g
﷯In the interests of disclosure I have to confess that I haven’t read the books but I did go to see the film. And this is just my point of view: Firstly there is nothing sexy or sensuous about this movie. Once we enter the rarefied atmosphere of Christian Grey’s uber rich and seemingly perfect world, with its helicopters and handcuffs, there is too much money, too much marble and too little edgy anticipation even for fantasy. He is Gillette man writ large. Christian Grey’s “Red Room” (the playroom he devotes to his sexual encounters) looks like its been decorated by Martha Stewart and Ralph Lauren on a bad day. This man is not quite troubled enough to be interesting and if he were working the late shift at Home Depot, our female protagonist, Anastasia Steele wouldn’t give him a second glance. And I can’t help thinking that if he lived out his S. & M. fantasies in a trailer park in the mid-West, he’d probably be doing five years in a state penitentiary for unspeakable abuse. My emotional response to the film is partially one of sadness. If these squeaky clean lovers, who look as if they’ve been dipped in bleach and are a study in tedious visual perfection, are the stuff of female fantasy for so many women, what does it say about the quality of romance in the real world? The power struggle between Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey provides some clues I believe. The desire she has to be dominated is challenged by her increasing demand for his respect, while his desire to totally dominate begins to loose its appeal for him. These are not so subtle reflections of some of the conflicts that exist in relationships today. On a symbolic level, I find the Fifty Shades phenomenon to be an interesting temperature reading of what is happening between women and men today. Like the contents of the glossy magazine, everything is valid and there is room for all these fantasies, and all of these contradictions, all at once. Forgive the pun, but the world really is full of various shades of Grey and I believe that this also applies to men and women. It’s fun to have fantasies of course but let’s see if we can improve on the realities. In this series Beyond the Gender Agenda I want to explore the possibilities available to us when we rid ourselves of stereotypes and rigid thinking. It’s my belief that we are all a uniquely different mixture of masculine and feminine traits with constantly shifting boundaries: We all have times when we are dominant and when we are submissive, when we are passive and when we are aggressive, when we want to lead and when we want to follow, when we want to be dependable and when we need to be dependent. It’s simply a part of being human. I hope that this sense of a collective humanity, which is a reoccurring theme at Exploring Inner Elegance, is one reason why this initiative resonates with today’s men. We are all an integral part of the dialogue. What would happen if we moved beyond the constraints of gender? Perhaps it would allow us the freedom to navigate equality without the fear of loosing identity. I believe this would go along way towards resolving the confusion and conflict between the sexes and would create a more harmonious world where people could be free to be themselves. Let’s explore the possibilities beyond the agenda of gender and move towards a more elegant world, where gender, but also sexual orientation, race, culture and religion unite us in our common humanity rather than confine us by dividing us. Divided we are weak but together we are elegantly strong. This is a dialogue that impacts all of us. Is moving beyond the gender agenda even possible? I would like to hear how you feel about this subject – Have your voice heard and share your opinions and ask questions through the contact form on my website. And for those of you who feel in need of guidance I am available for Life Coaching. Send me an email at caroline@carolinephipps.com for further details. Together we can make the world a more elegant place g
BEYOND THE GENDER AGENDA MANY SHADES OF US
﷯A year after I launched the Exploring Inner Elegance website, I was surprised to discover that the subject of living with inner elegance resonated with men in a way that was most unexpected. My previous observations and experience, as well as the statistics, show that people engaged in self-help, matters of mind, body and spirit, as well as health and wellness were predominately women. The feedback I am receiving now appears to run counter to this trend. I found this most intriguing. I decided to conduct some research to find out what it is about living a life with inner elegance that appears to strike a cord with today’s men. I went straight to the source. I began by talking to men. Men of all ages, men from different walks of life and socio-economic groups, straight men, gay men, and men from different religious, spiritual and cultural backgrounds. What I am hearing from men is that they often feel misrepresented, left out of the dialogue and have no authentic voice in the discussion. As one of my male friends told me, “In the eyes of the media I am seen as either a rich, powerful Mercedes driving man who uses a Gillette razor twice a day and has a Victoria Secret model as a girlfriend or a nervous, nerdy guy who makes a fool of himself, in front of an impossibly hot girl in the office, who could be a Victoria Secret model.” Neither category applies to the men I know. It raises all sorts of interesting questions about the role of masculinity and the relationships between men and women in the twenty-first century. I was reminded of an incident that happened when I first came to America in 1993, that has stuck in my mind ever since. I remember coming into Manhattan by yellow cab from the airport. Everything seemed so familiar, like a set from a beloved Hollywood film. But it quickly became apparent that this sense of familiarity was in some ways false. A few days later I was having lunch with some American friends. While we were swapping stories and sharing insights one of the girls started telling us about a guy she worked with. She’d bumped into him the night before as she was leaving the office. They’d started chatting, she said, and then she explained that as she went to leave he hit on her. I was startled and horrified, “What do you mean he hit you?” I asked. They all started to laugh and she said, “No, no he didn’t hit me, he asked me out for a drink.” Coming from London, I had never heard this expression before. It made me wonder, how did the behavior of a man, who had probably plucked up all his courage to ask a woman out, have his action described as “hitting”? It made no sense at all. I wondered if it had anything to do with whether she liked the guy or not? Perhaps it was “hitting” when she thought he was a creep and being asked out if he was a dish? “So what did you say?” I asked, when the merriment at my misunderstanding had subsided. “We’re meeting tonight. I’ve fancied him for ages and I can’t wait…” She answered. I started listening closely to the words chosen by women when they talked to men and when they talked about men. I often felt as if they were two distinctly different dialogs happening simultaneously: The demand to be treated equally and the desire to be treated as a woman. American women had been courageous pioneers in the fight for equal rights making extraordinary inroads into the world of men. The vibe in New York, at that time, felt very different than it had in London. Clearly they’d had to be tough and often even tougher than the men they were competing with. This intricate dance of gender equality is, of course, still present and today women make up nearly half of the workforce in the U.S., yet despite this there remains a large gap in income parity. g
﷯In evolutionary terms all of these advances in equality are very new in our culture and I feel that we are all still trying to navigate this maze. It has been twenty-two years since my “he hit on me” revelation and events have moved on a bit since then, but in many ways things appear to be even more confusing than they were back then. For example, skim through the pages of any glossy magazine in 2015 and the chances are you will come across an image of an exquisite pair of improbably thin, endlessly long legs, wearing the new look from shoe designer, Jimmy Choo. With heels tall enough to induce a bout of vertigo, the shoes are a study in provocative sexiness, but for most women impossible to walk in for any more than a few perilous steps. Flip the pages and there could be an opinion piece about Former Secretary of State, Hillary Rodham Clinton’s undeniable credentials as front runner in the race for the U.S. Presidency: An article about stay at home dads who are taking over the so called “mummy” role: Interviews with women in Silicon Valley about the difficulties they face in a culture where misogyny is flourishing: And perhaps a profile of Bradley Cooper, as the quintessential warrior, for his role in the Oscar-nominated film “American Sniper”. The plot line is based upon the real life of Navy sniper seal, Chris Kyle who was so proficient with a rifle that he became the marksman with the distinction of assassinating more people than any other serving officer and is considered to be one of the greatest American heroes of our time. Do these seemingly mixed messages have anything in common? The first thing to consider, I believe, is that they co-exist. They are representations of the many roles women and men assume in today’s world. These roles are sometimes interchangeable and sometimes not so much. We all remember the images of U.S. President Barack Obama and the extremely glamorous blonde Danish Prime Minister, Helle Thorning Schmidt at Nelson Mandela’s funeral in Johannesburg, South Africa. Yet it’s hard to imagine that Hillary would ever totter around on a pair of Jimmy’s. And it seems unlikely that the new “mister mom” would be able to shoot a target dead center with a rifle and yet British celebrity chef, Gordon Ramsay runs his kitchens with as much testosterone as a Royal Marine commander launching a combat mission. Contradictions and anomalies abound all around. And here’s where we come to one of the more fascinating clues, in recent history, as to the state of affairs between women and men: The Fifty Shades phenomenon. For those of us who have somehow managed to miss what’s been going on in popular culture, E.L.James’ Fifty Shades trilogy is a story about the torrid love affair between a handsome billionaire and a pretty young virgin. So far it has been translated into fifty-one languages and has sold more than one hundred million copies while Shades of Grey (based on the first book) opened in cinemas breaking all records, in the US, for a February debut. These figures are so staggering that they surely must be an indication of something significant. And there’s one thing we know for sure, the majority of fans are women. There appear to be as many strong opinions about what this story is about as there are multitudes following it. With its explicit scenes of sadism and masochism, it has been described, among many things, as a shadow fairytale starring a Prince and a Damsel; a tale of bad boy redemption and the power of true love; an intimate look inside an abusive, co-dependent relationship; an over the top portrayal of your average woman’s sexual fantasies; soft porn for mummies; a peek-a-boo into the ultimate taboo; a symbol of women’s sexual freedom; an insult to women portraying them as submissive sex toys; a virility and financial challenge to men, who have to be rich enough to buy anything they want, as well as handsome and muscular enough to winch their lovers into the air, while brandishing a whip, and trying not to look ridiculous. It’s little wonder that today’s men are confused! g
﷯In the interests of disclosure I have to confess that I haven’t read the books but I did go to see the film. And this is just my point of view: Firstly there is nothing sexy or sensuous about this movie. Once we enter the rarefied atmosphere of Christian Grey’s uber rich and seemingly perfect world, with its helicopters and handcuffs, there is too much money, too much marble and too little edgy anticipation even for fantasy. He is Gillette man writ large. Christian Grey’s “Red Room” (the playroom he devotes to his sexual encounters) looks like its been decorated by Martha Stewart and Ralph Lauren on a bad day. This man is not quite troubled enough to be interesting and if he were working the late shift at Home Depot, our female protagonist, Anastasia Steele wouldn’t give him a second glance. And I can’t help thinking that if he lived out his S. & M. fantasies in a trailer park in the mid-West, he’d probably be doing five years in a state penitentiary for unspeakable abuse. My emotional response to the film is partially one of sadness. If these squeaky clean lovers, who look as if they’ve been dipped in bleach and are a study in tedious visual perfection, are the stuff of female fantasy for so many women, what does it say about the quality of romance in the real world? The power struggle between Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey provides some clues I believe. The desire she has to be dominated is challenged by her increasing demand for his respect, while his desire to totally dominate begins to loose its appeal for him. These are not so subtle reflections of some of the conflicts that exist in relationships today. On a symbolic level, I find the Fifty Shades phenomenon to be an interesting temperature reading of what is happening between women and men today. Like the contents of the glossy magazine, everything is valid and there is room for all these fantasies, and all of these contradictions, all at once. Forgive the pun, but the world really is full of various shades of Grey and I believe that this also applies to men and women. It’s fun to have fantasies of course but let’s see if we can improve on the realities. In this series Beyond the Gender Agenda I want to explore the possibilities available to us when we rid ourselves of stereotypes and rigid thinking. It’s my belief that we are all a uniquely different mixture of masculine and feminine traits with constantly shifting boundaries: We all have times when we are dominant and when we are submissive, when we are passive and when we are aggressive, when we want to lead and when we want to follow, when we want to be dependable and when we need to be dependent. It’s simply a part of being human. I hope that this sense of a collective humanity, which is a reoccurring theme at Exploring Inner Elegance, is one reason why this initiative resonates with today’s men. We are all an integral part of the dialogue. What would happen if we moved beyond the constraints of gender? Perhaps it would allow us the freedom to navigate equality without the fear of loosing identity. I believe this would go along way towards resolving the confusion and conflict between the sexes and would create a more harmonious world where people could be free to be themselves. Let’s explore the possibilities beyond the agenda of gender and move towards a more elegant world, where gender, but also sexual orientation, race, culture and religion unite us in our common humanity rather than confine us by dividing us. Divided we are weak but together we are elegantly strong. This is a dialogue that impacts all of us. Is moving beyond the gender agenda even possible? I would like to hear how you feel about this subject – Have your voice heard and share your opinions and ask questions through the contact form on my website. And for those of you who feel in need of guidance I am available for Life Coaching. Send me an email at caroline@carolinephipps.com for further details. Together we can make the world a more elegant place g
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BEYOND THE GENDER AGENDA MANY SHADES OF US
﷯A year after I launched the Exploring Inner Elegance website, I was surprised to discover that the subject of living with inner elegance resonated with men in a way that was most unexpected. My previous observations and experience, as well as the statistics, show that people engaged in self-help, matters of mind, body and spirit, as well as health and wellness were predominately women. The feedback I am receiving now appears to run counter to this trend. I found this most intriguing. I decided to conduct some research to find out what it is about living a life with inner elegance that appears to strike a cord with today’s men. I went straight to the source. I began by talking to men. Men of all ages, men from different walks of life and socio-economic groups, straight men, gay men, and men from different religious, spiritual and cultural backgrounds. What I am hearing from men is that they often feel misrepresented, left out of the dialogue and have no authentic voice in the discussion. As one of my male friends told me, “In the eyes of the media I am seen as either a rich, powerful Mercedes driving man who uses a Gillette razor twice a day and has a Victoria Secret model as a girlfriend or a nervous, nerdy guy who makes a fool of himself, in front of an impossibly hot girl in the office, who could be a Victoria Secret model.” Neither category applies to the men I know. It raises all sorts of interesting questions about the role of masculinity and the relationships between men and women in the twenty-first century. I was reminded of an incident that happened when I first came to America in 1993, that has stuck in my mind ever since. I remember coming into Manhattan by yellow cab from the airport. Everything seemed so familiar, like a set from a beloved Hollywood film. But it quickly became apparent that this sense of familiarity was in some ways false. A few days later I was having lunch with some American friends. While we were swapping stories and sharing insights one of the girls started telling us about a guy she worked with. She’d bumped into him the night before as she was leaving the office. They’d started chatting, she said, and then she explained that as she went to leave he hit on her. I was startled and horrified, “What do you mean he hit you?” I asked. They all started to laugh and she said, “No, no he didn’t hit me, he asked me out for a drink.” Coming from London, I had never heard this expression before. It made me wonder, how did the behavior of a man, who had probably plucked up all his courage to ask a woman out, have his action described as “hitting”? It made no sense at all. I wondered if it had anything to do with whether she liked the guy or not? Perhaps it was “hitting” when she thought he was a creep and being asked out if he was a dish? “So what did you say?” I asked, when the merriment at my misunderstanding had subsided. “We’re meeting tonight. I’ve fancied him for ages and I can’t wait…” She answered. I started listening closely to the words chosen by women when they talked to men and when they talked about men. I often felt as if they were two distinctly different dialogs happening simultaneously: The demand to be treated equally and the desire to be treated as a woman. American women had been courageous pioneers in the fight for equal rights making extraordinary inroads into the world of men. The vibe in New York, at that time, felt very different than it had in London. Clearly they’d had to be tough and often even tougher than the men they were competing with. This intricate dance of gender equality is, of course, still present and today women make up nearly half of the workforce in the U.S., yet despite this there remains a large gap in income parity. g
﷯In evolutionary terms all of these advances in equality are very new in our culture and I feel that we are all still trying to navigate this maze. It has been twenty-two years since my “he hit on me” revelation and events have moved on a bit since then, but in many ways things appear to be even more confusing than they were back then. For example, skim through the pages of any glossy magazine in 2015 and the chances are you will come across an image of an exquisite pair of improbably thin, endlessly long legs, wearing the new look from shoe designer, Jimmy Choo. With heels tall enough to induce a bout of vertigo, the shoes are a study in provocative sexiness, but for most women impossible to walk in for any more than a few perilous steps. Flip the pages and there could be an opinion piece about Former Secretary of State, Hillary Rodham Clinton’s undeniable credentials as front runner in the race for the U.S. Presidency: An article about stay at home dads who are taking over the so called “mummy” role: Interviews with women in Silicon Valley about the difficulties they face in a culture where misogyny is flourishing: And perhaps a profile of Bradley Cooper, as the quintessential warrior, for his role in the Oscar-nominated film “American Sniper”. The plot line is based upon the real life of Navy sniper seal, Chris Kyle who was so proficient with a rifle that he became the marksman with the distinction of assassinating more people than any other serving officer and is considered to be one of the greatest American heroes of our time. Do these seemingly mixed messages have anything in common? The first thing to consider, I believe, is that they co-exist. They are representations of the many roles women and men assume in today’s world. These roles are sometimes interchangeable and sometimes not so much. We all remember the images of U.S. President Barack Obama and the extremely glamorous blonde Danish Prime Minister, Helle Thorning Schmidt at Nelson Mandela’s funeral in Johannesburg, South Africa. Yet it’s hard to imagine that Hillary would ever totter around on a pair of Jimmy’s. And it seems unlikely that the new “mister mom” would be able to shoot a target dead center with a rifle and yet British celebrity chef, Gordon Ramsay runs his kitchens with as much testosterone as a Royal Marine commander launching a combat mission. Contradictions and anomalies abound all around. And here’s where we come to one of the more fascinating clues, in recent history, as to the state of affairs between women and men: The Fifty Shades phenomenon. For those of us who have somehow managed to miss what’s been going on in popular culture, E.L.James’ Fifty Shades trilogy is a story about the torrid love affair between a handsome billionaire and a pretty young virgin. So far it has been translated into fifty-one languages and has sold more than one hundred million copies while Shades of Grey (based on the first book) opened in cinemas breaking all records, in the US, for a February debut. These figures are so staggering that they surely must be an indication of something significant. And there’s one thing we know for sure, the majority of fans are women. There appear to be as many strong opinions about what this story is about as there are multitudes following it. With its explicit scenes of sadism and masochism, it has been described, among many things, as a shadow fairytale starring a Prince and a Damsel; a tale of bad boy redemption and the power of true love; an intimate look inside an abusive, co-dependent relationship; an over the top portrayal of your average woman’s sexual fantasies; soft porn for mummies; a peek-a-boo into the ultimate taboo; a symbol of women’s sexual freedom; an insult to women portraying them as submissive sex toys; a virility and financial challenge to men, who have to be rich enough to buy anything they want, as well as handsome and muscular enough to winch their lovers into the air, while brandishing a whip, and trying not to look ridiculous. It’s little wonder that today’s men are confused! g
﷯In the interests of disclosure I have to confess that I haven’t read the books but I did go to see the film. And this is just my point of view: Firstly there is nothing sexy or sensuous about this movie. Once we enter the rarefied atmosphere of Christian Grey’s uber rich and seemingly perfect world, with its helicopters and handcuffs, there is too much money, too much marble and too little edgy anticipation even for fantasy. He is Gillette man writ large. Christian Grey’s “Red Room” (the playroom he devotes to his sexual encounters) looks like its been decorated by Martha Stewart and Ralph Lauren on a bad day. This man is not quite troubled enough to be interesting and if he were working the late shift at Home Depot, our female protagonist, Anastasia Steele wouldn’t give him a second glance. And I can’t help thinking that if he lived out his S. & M. fantasies in a trailer park in the mid-West, he’d probably be doing five years in a state penitentiary for unspeakable abuse. My emotional response to the film is partially one of sadness. If these squeaky clean lovers, who look as if they’ve been dipped in bleach and are a study in tedious visual perfection, are the stuff of female fantasy for so many women, what does it say about the quality of romance in the real world? The power struggle between Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey provides some clues I believe. The desire she has to be dominated is challenged by her increasing demand for his respect, while his desire to totally dominate begins to loose its appeal for him. These are not so subtle reflections of some of the conflicts that exist in relationships today. On a symbolic level, I find the Fifty Shades phenomenon to be an interesting temperature reading of what is happening between women and men today. Like the contents of the glossy magazine, everything is valid and there is room for all these fantasies, and all of these contradictions, all at once. Forgive the pun, but the world really is full of various shades of Grey and I believe that this also applies to men and women. It’s fun to have fantasies of course but let’s see if we can improve on the realities. In this series Beyond the Gender Agenda I want to explore the possibilities available to us when we rid ourselves of stereotypes and rigid thinking. It’s my belief that we are all a uniquely different mixture of masculine and feminine traits with constantly shifting boundaries: We all have times when we are dominant and when we are submissive, when we are passive and when we are aggressive, when we want to lead and when we want to follow, when we want to be dependable and when we need to be dependent. It’s simply a part of being human. I hope that this sense of a collective humanity, which is a reoccurring theme at Exploring Inner Elegance, is one reason why this initiative resonates with today’s men. We are all an integral part of the dialogue. What would happen if we moved beyond the constraints of gender? Perhaps it would allow us the freedom to navigate equality without the fear of loosing identity. I believe this would go along way towards resolving the confusion and conflict between the sexes and would create a more harmonious world where people could be free to be themselves. Let’s explore the possibilities beyond the agenda of gender and move towards a more elegant world, where gender, but also sexual orientation, race, culture and religion unite us in our common humanity rather than confine us by dividing us. Divided we are weak but together we are elegantly strong. This is a dialogue that impacts all of us. Is moving beyond the gender agenda even possible? I would like to hear how you feel about this subject – Have your voice heard and share your opinions and ask questions through the contact form on my website. And for those of you who feel in need of guidance I am available for Life Coaching. Send me an email at caroline@carolinephipps.com for further details. Together we can make the world a more elegant place g
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